High Tide
by Adreus
Summary: In which Percy has his period. It's all Poseidon's fault. —Percy/Annabeth, Nico, Rachel.


**Notes: **This was, um, a request at the kink meme a long time ago. I... Yeah. Okay. I don't think there's anything I can say to redeem myself.

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_High Tide_

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The first time Percy has his monthly – yeah, that's right, _his _monthly – Annabeth is caught between laughing and laughing. She can't decide whether to laugh because it's funny, or because of the stupidity of it all – this is her _boyfriend_, after all, and she has to live with him, and _what the hell_, Poseidon, what kind of useless power is this? In the end she laughs in that ha-ha-now-you-know-what-we-complain-about sort of way, and Percy's too busy searching for a drachma somewhere because he's got some questions for Daddy dearest, but he swears he'd stick his tongue out at her if he wasn't occupied.

Eventually he finds one wedged in the corner of their _oh yeah we're demigods _cabinet (where they keep most of their Greek mythology related stuff) and calls for Iris, and then there's Poseidon who figures out what's going on just from Percy's expression. He does this weird blushing thing that looks extremely out of place, and the embarrassment would throw Percy off guard if not for the random bursts of excruciating pain throughout his body as of late, akin so much to Annabeth's period that his constant swearing seems appropriate. Suddenly being the son of the sea god isn't so hot when Poseidon tells Percy all about the little prank that Artemis had pulled all those years ago.

See, turns out that menstruation and all that is on a moon based calendar, 29 days instead of the weird Georgian stuff—(Percy feels educated when he's learning this stuff, but also a little lame, because he's not sure other guys _ever _find this crap out, or for that matter _need to_)—even though Artemis is a maiden. Poseidon made a crack or two about the irony of it all way back when, and oh, woe to those poor women – but Artemis didn't find it so funny. The one place the two had ever cooperated was with the tides, and so Artemis saw to it that any sons of Poseidon would get those same woes as one of their unique abilities. It's sneaky, it's weird, it's vapid, and it's just plain _stupid_.

"What the flipping shit," is all Percy has to say after some time, because what kind of retarded way to sense the tide is _this_? Poseidon's saying something about it being called 'high tide', but personally Percy doesn't find that he gives a shit what Theseus called it, because what kind of curse is male menstruation?

He spends the first day of his first cycle confused and moping and Annabeth is already sick of it. "It's not like you're pregnant, dude, get over it." But Percy's still annoying and pissy for the rest of the week. It's stupid, really stupid, because high tide is basically nothing but a surge of hormones with no other purpose but to kill Percy's sex drive, and that pisses Annabeth off.

Okay, whatever, they deal with it the first time around, and Annabeth figures that the next high tide won't be as bad, right? Right.

She comes home next month after an entire day at Olympus where she's been busy as of late with the reconstruction, and Percy's not supposed to be home because Nico's been bored and Percy feels kind of sorry for the kid, so he'd planned to spend the day with him. Instead of the solitude she's expecting, though, she hears moaning from the other room when she comes home and at first she's very, very confused. There are a few possibilities as to what's going on now, she deduces when she hears Nico's yelps, and most of them aren't very plausible. She's pretty certain her boyfriend isn't gay, for one, and even if he is, he's intelligent enough to enjoy any hypothetical homosexual escapades outside of their shared apartment. And even failing that, Annabeth knows for certain that there's no way in or out of Hades that Nico di Angelo could top Percy. Ever.

Still, she knocks before entering their room, just in case. "Percy?" she calls, and the other side of the door goes completely, ominously silent.

Percy's voice is a low whine when he asks, "Annabeth? Is that you?"

Nico puts in, "Did you bring some serotonin? Percy's running low," before it sounds like he's hit with something, probably Percy's fist, because then Percy's complaining about his impossibly thick head and Nico opens the door and there's Annabeth's boyfriend, crumpled and hugging a tub of chocolate ice cream, looking more than anything like a very sad, very lonely person.

She doesn't really know what to say, so she raises her eyebrow and just hopes the explanation will come of its own accord.

"He's been like this all day," Nico shrugs, popping an M&M from Annabeth's secret stash into his mouth. It's not Nico's fault, she finds out quickly; there's a pack or two next to Percy. She puts her hands to her hips, because he _knows _that he's not allowed near her stash unless it's a dire emergency.

"What are you doing," she asks flatly.

"It's high tide," Percy says simply, and when Annabeth's face is that of understanding, Nico is utterly confused.

"High tide?"

It isn't really something that should be explained outside of their household; when both Percy and Annabeth give him the 'Mommy-and-Daddy-are-talking' look, Nico di Angelo takes it as his cue to march out of their room like a soldier, shutting the door behind him. Then Percy looks and Annabeth, and Annabeth looks at Percy, and they both heave the heaviest sighs they've ever heaved.

For all her intellect, "Dammit," is all Annabeth can think to say. Percy's content to agree, though his version is longer and includes more swearing, plus the occasional curse at all things Greek.

"I just don't understand _the point_," Annabeth mutters, "I mean, at least with girls, it _means _something. With you, it's…" She regards him carefully, and an idea seems to fly through her head when her eyes widen slightly before she shakes her head no, shakes herself out of it. "Okay, there's got to be a way for us to get Artemis to take it back or something."

"You know what I don't get?" Percy mumbles, leaping at the mention of Artemis, "She's an eternal maiden, right? She's, like, permanently stuck at twelve. It's not – it's not like, I mean, come on, no one in her domain even _gets _it, or needs it, 'cause of all that eternal maiden junk. So why did _she _have to be all pissy about it?"

It's a beautiful day outside, and the chirping of the birds is accompanied by an abrupt crash of very loud, very near, thunder. "Maybe you should be careful about which god's favorite daughter you're insulting," Annabeth puts in wisely. Percy just rolls his eyes and heaves himself up, wincing. Annabeth watches him curiously; when his back is turned, she plans on nabbing the M&Ms and quickly stuffing them back with her stash.

"D'you think she's anywhere in the immediate vicinity of water?" Percy asks, opening the door of their bedroom and pulling out a drachma from his pocket. They'd restocked about a week ago, when some of Rachel Elizabeth Dare's creepy foresight had informed that they'd need it and that Percy's mom was making waffles for breakfast on the 23rd. Annabeth shrugs. She doesn't pretend to know the schedule of a moon maiden that has eternally sworn off nightlife. They're both caught off guard when Nico, who has been sitting on their couch this entire time and blends in very nicely with the black leather, coughs in order to remind them of his existence. Annabeth and Percy look over at him sharply.

"Are you guys talking about Artemis?" he asks. A beat, and then he adds: "Because I might know where she is. Like, right now. At this very moment. If you need her."

Suddenly Percy is looking at Nico very carefully, like a predator watches its prey before it jumps for the kill. As though the boy might break if he shows too much emotion, Percy asks steadily, "…Where?"

Nico, unsure of it's safe to answer, hesitates. "First, _why_ do you need her? It's kind of, uh, supposed to be a secret, and Apollo—"

"—Apollo!" Annabeth proclaims excitedly, as though he's the answer to everything, which, you know, he might be, considering the whole healing and the being Artemis's twin thing, but then Annabeth says, "I knew that oracle would be good for _something_," and Percy looks at her curiously, because Annabeth usually isn't that ecstatic when she's talking about Rachel. Annabeth doesn't explain – she just takes the drachma from Percy and drops it in the decorative rainbow-making fountain on their table (a gift from Poseidon, the bastard), and calls out for Rachel Elizabeth Dare. Sure enough, an image of Rachel shimmers into view, a little blurry because the connection isn't that great.

Nico, just as confused as Percy, starts, "I wasn't actually do—" when Annabeth shushes him. She seems to have an intricate talent for cutting the poor guy off.

Rachel, the Oracle, is on the dance floor at a party in Florida. She's surrounded by a few demigods that they don't recognize and one they do – Will Solace.

"Where...?" Percy asks, cocking his head to the side. It's an elaborate mansion from what he can tell, but he doesn't remember Rachel's floor being so small, and he doesn't remember Will and Rachel having such a great friendship.

"Apollo's having a house warming party," Nico supplies. He tries to add "And I wasn't done ye—" before he's quieted down by Annabeth for the second time.

She calls, "Rachel!"

There's no response.

Again: "Rachel!"

Still nothing.

Finally: "Hey, virgin Oracle!"

"I've said a thousand time it's just a _rumor_," Rachel sighs, dismissing the boys she's been dancing with without looking up. "But that doesn't mean I'm going to—" Rachel cuts herself off when she looks up into the intricate fountain at Apollo's shiny new Florida mansion. She doesn't have the decency to blush at where she was going when she realizes who she's talking to and who she isn't. "Oh, hey, Annabeth. Sorry, I thought you were someone else."

"Clearly," Nico comments dryly. He's a little shocked when Annabeth doesn't object to his speaking, but she's not really paying attention to Rachel, either, actually; she's busy scanning what she can of the crowd, looking for someone who's different from the other guests, who stands out among the dryads and the demigods...

"A-_ha_!" she proclaims once she's found what she's been looking for. The girl looks about twelve, and she's standing moodily by the punch bowl, her bow slung over her shoulder just in case, you know, a random hellhound shows up in the middle of the party and she needs it. It's weird seeing her at a party, but Annabeth doesn't comment on it, because who cares? She's found Artemis and all she needs to do now is bargain with a goddess.

Which sounds pretty bad in her head, but when she thinks about actually doing it, it's a lot worse.

Annabeth points the goddess out to Percy, and he nods. He'll do the talking, because even though Artemis seems to dislike the entirety of the male population, somehow her dislike of sexually involved females seems ten times worse.

Rachel looks behind her, and then smirking, asks loudly, "Oh, hey, is this about Percy's period?"

Nico, now more confused than ever, is the one who ends up holding Percy back so that he won't strangle the poor, unsuspecting fountain on his coffee table.

"Artemis," announces Rachel even louder, "It's for you."

Artemis, glad for the distraction from all things boring and party like (she's been eying the couple in the corner for the better part of an hour now, and it's making her sick), appears beside Rachel without a moment's hesitation. There she sees Percy, and there she sees Annabeth, and sees the looks on their faces and a smirk plays at her lips.

"Artemis," Percy says, and falls flat after that because he's really not sure where to go from there.

Artemis doesn't help any. She says stiffly, plainly trying to hold back her laughter, "Percy Jackson."

There's silence as the two just stare at each other, Percy struggling to come up with something to say and Artemis struggling not to ask him how his life's been going. Percy opens his mouth a few times to start, but then Artemis arches her eyebrows and Percy, the son of the sea god, shuts his mouth and feels very much like a fish. Dumb, stupid, and stinky (dumb because he can't speak, stupid because he's not sure what to say, and stinky because he passed a silent-but-deadly a few minutes ago and oh, _man, _do those get a lot worse during high tide).

"You know you have to pay Iris by the minute, right?" Nico points out.

Percy shakes himself out of his stupor. Artemis challenges him to speak against her. Percy remembers that he is also the son of the god who created horses, and Artemis enjoys turning people into those, figuratively and literally.

"Artemis," Percy repeats.

Rachel, who's been standing there, getting bored, chooses that moment to ruin everything. "Jason and Heracles, guys, hurry the hell up. I'm getting out of here _before_ Apollo starts the poetry slam." She looks at Artemis and dutifully adds, "It's about his period, Artemis."

"Your what?" asks Nico, who is ignored once more. He sighs and lets go of Percy, deciding that it's safe now. Then he walks out the door, calling, "I'm going to your mom's place and I'm telling her that I'm abused and deprived." (The next time they'll see Nico, he'll have gained ten pounds and still be underweight).

"Oh," says Artemis, and her smirk is threatening to turn all out into a grin, "is it really?"

Percy feels his stomach play all sorts of games with him, and he's not sure if he's hungry or full or has a virus or maybe even pregnant—oh, _gods_, he's not going there, why'd it have to be Greek mythology?—so he just sort of goes, "Ye—aaaargh, _DAMMIT, _can you make it stop, _PLEASE_," and this time Artemis's laughter isn't hidden.

"Lady Artemis," Annabeth growls, even as she tries her best to keep calm as Percy squirms a bit and bolts into a chair immediately because somehow a chair is the most comfortable thing in the world right now, "Please, if you could stop laughing and—"

"Oh, calm down, will you?" Artemis says, shining radiantly; she looks like she hasn't had this much fun in a long, long, time. It's fairly likely, too, since she's at one of Apollo's parties and though those usually start out upbeat and amusing for couples, they end terribly for _everyone_ with Apollo's infamous poetry slams, and for Artemis, both of those snowball together into one terrible time, but it's not like she can refuse her favorite twin brother. Artemis continues, to the others' astonishment, "I'll take it back."

Percy's ecstatic, Rachel's a little disappointed, and Annabeth's rather suspicious.

"That easily?" she asks, as Artemis snaps her fingers and _boom!_, just like that, Percy can stand on two legs and can't tell at exactly what time the Atlantic Ocean's waves hit their highest amplitude by screaming, "CRAMP. CRAMP. Oh, god, _cramp_."

"Sure," Artemis says, nodding. "I haven't been so entertained in years, you know – Poseidon's sons don't usually make it a habit to beg."

"I," says Percy in his defense, and that's really it.

"Now," says Artemis deviously, "the menopause will probably take two months."

Percy starts crying, and blames it on his hormones.


End file.
